Recently I have been experiencing a crisis of faith. I bet it all started when I was listening to a woman talk about how she didn't feel God's love, and for a moment I thought, "Well, that's something I don't struggle with." Me, the faithful, the sooo faithful person." Yep. That was probably the start of it all.
So here is the crux of my crisis. I thought I was doing everything right. I thought I was trying really hard to love and serve and be faithful and be good. I was praying diligently for something I have urgently wanted for many years. I even prided myself on being patient and longsuffering while I waited for the thing that I wanted. It was a good thing. It wasn't a selfish thing. It was something that was good for my family and not having that in place has been very bad for my family. I was sure God would grant it to me eventually. Actually I still believe He will grant it to me. Recently something happened that lead me to believe the time was right for that prayer to be answered. Things started to change and it looked like my concerns over that thing were going to end because it was all going to work out! Finally! However, as things continued to unfold I got the exact opposite of what I wanted. In fact what ended up happening made things much worse than even my fears could have warned me of. My heart, which was joyful or at least hopeful before, was suddenly broken.
I wouldn't have said this a week ago, but today, I'm glad I'm going through this crisis. I work with a lot of people who are angry with God or wonder if God cares about them. I thought I had compassion and understanding. But I was wrong. I only thought I understood. Now that I have experienced some of those doubts and fears personally and recently, I have much more compassion and understanding.
I thought I would post some links that have been helpful to me. Maybe when I have another crisis of faith in the future I will come back and review them.
Great talk: Lessons from Liberty Jail by Jeffrey R. Holland
Good song: Blessings by Laura Story
