| Taking things personally is like taking a hammer to hurt your own hand. |
We don't have to take things so personally. We take things to heart that we have no business taking to heart. For instance, saying, "If you loved me you wouldn't drink" to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying "If you loved me, you wouldn't cough" to someone who has pneumonia. Pnuemonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alchoholics will drink until they get the same. When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you - they are saying they don't love themselves.
We don't have to take little things so personally either. If someone has a bad day or gets angry, don't assume it has something to do with you. It may or may not have something to do with you. If it does you'll find out. Usually things have far less to do with us than we think.
An interruption, someone else's bad mood, sharp tongue, bad day, negative thoughts, problems, or active alcoholism [addiction] does not have to run or ruin our lives, or day, or even an hour of our day. If people don't want to be with us or act healthy, it is not a reflection of our self worth. It reflects on their present circumstances. By practicing detachment we can lessen our destructive reactions to the world around us. Separate yourself from things. Leave things alone, and let people be who they are. Who are you to say that the interruption, mood, word, bad day, thought, or problem is not an important and necessary part of life? Who are you to say that this problem won't ultimately be beneficial to you or someone else?
We don't have to react. We have options. That is the joy of recovery from codependency. And each time we exercise our right to choose how we want to act, think, feel, and behave, we feel better and stronger.
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