You Are What You Eat

I am so excited about this link I just found. All along I have been telling clients that what they eat is important in emotional healing and recovery. I knew it was true, but only had a few basic common sense suggestions for a healthy recovery diet and I didn't have anything helpful to hand out. Now, lucky day! From a great mental health research and policy organization in the UK comes this great Food and Mood Diary that also includes a list of foods that are likely to help with specific mental health issues. Hooray! Check out the link for yourself. It's very cool.

p.s. - the above link will also direct you to a full article about food and mental health. It's great.

Here is some further reading if you're interested. These articles also include even more good mood food suggestions:

• http://health.usnews.com/health-news/diet-fitness/diet/articles/2011/08/31/food-and-mood-6-ways-your-diet-affects-how-you-feel
• http://themindsanctuary.com/good-mood-food-%E2%80%93-ingredients-to-improve-your-mental-health/

Christian/Uplifting Recovery Songs

Music can be so powerful. Music can reach my heart in ways nothing else can. In my own healing journey music plays a key part. There are certain songs that I can point to as a turning point in my life. When I am working with other people I always recommend they create their own healing playlist of songs that help them feel hopeful, encouraged, uplifted, or that speak to their struggles.

So to help get the ball rolling, here is a link to the YouTube playlist I made with some good recovery songs: Christian/Uplifting Recovery Songs

And here are the songs individually. I tried to categorize them but really most of these songs fit in a lot of different categories. The links will take you to a YouTube video for each song if I could find it. I will continue to add to this list because there are tons more great songs that I like for recovery, but this is a good beginning.

Transitional Character

Your Love - Brandon Heath

Family Tree by Matthew West

Finding the Passion in Life

The Motions by Matthew West

Letter to the Addict or Codependent

So Long Self by Mercy Me

Battling in a Relationship
Lead Me by Sanctus Real
Courageous by Casting Crowns

Hope and Forgiveness
You Can Change - Julie Yardley
You are More by Tenth Avenue North
There's Hope by India Arie
Recover by Natasha Bedingfield

Authenticity, Transparency
Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North
The Real Me by Natalie Grant

Turning to God, Fathered by God
By Your Side

Strength not Deliverance
When the Rain Comes by Third Day
Held by Natalie Grant

Staying in the Present Moment
It's a Beautiful Day by India Arie

Surrender
Letting Go by Francesca Battistelli
Hope Now by Addison Road

For Family Members of Addicts
Addiction: Michael's Song (original) by Lisa Scinta

Joy Through Service

From Unlocking the Communication Puzzle by Dr. John R. Strong

Sense of Joy Through Service

Offering service or assistance to others is a vital part of feeling human. Feeling that you have something to offer to the world in return for what you have received is a key part of a fulfilling life. 

Think of the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea. The Sea of Galilee receives fresh water and also gives fresh water to other areas and it remains a fresh body of water supporting life. The Dead Sea receives fresh water but doesn't give (other than a function of evaporation) and as a result it loses its freshness. It loses its life sustaining capacity. It is dead. 

 The Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea are made of the same water. It flows down, clean and cool, from the heights of Herman and the roots of the cedars of Lebanon. the Sea of Galilee makes beauty of it, the Sea of Galilee has an outlet. It gets to give. It gathers in its riches that it may pour them out again to fertilize the Jordan plain. But the Dead Sea with the same water makes horror. For the Dead Sea has no outlet. It gets to keep.   

Fosdick, Harry Emerson

The evaporation process would be like doing only those things that are required. To increase the fulfillment in this area we need to develop a greater sensitivity to our own capacity to be of service to others and then render that service. 

Because giving service can sometimes cause resentment or a sense of entitlement it is important to determine if our service is motivated by love or fear. Love must drive our choices and actions in order to experience fulfillment in service. Choices made from a place of love will allow us to experience a sense of abundance. Choices made from a place of fear lead to feelings of scarcity and deprivation. (For example, I have to volunteer for the PTA, even though I don't really want to do it and I don't have time to do it, because if I don't volunteer everyone will think I'm a bad mother.) If your actions are based on fear look for the roots of it. [Trigger prevention sheets will help with finding these roots.]  

For today, try cultivating an appreciation for the abundance of the universe and the abundance in your own life. Then think of something you can do to offer service that is motivated by love. It can be something simple, like reaching out to a friend to let them know you are thinking of them, listening to a child, writing a thank you note to someone who was thoughtful to you, etc. See what this kind of action does for your level of fulfillment in life.

To get you started in thinking about the abundance of the universe, here is a quote from John Eldredge in Beautiful Outlaw

“What do we make of the gift of water? You can swim in it, but also float upon it. You can drink it and surf it. Droplets fall from the sky in staggering abundance, yet it also flows in streams and rivers. It makes one sound as a brook, another as a waterfall, and something else entirely together in the silence of snow. This extravagance is almost scandalous.”

Connection to a Higher Power

From Unlocking the Communication Puzzle by Dr. John R. Strong

Having a Rightfulness of Fit

When we feel loved, valued and understood, and when we feel like we have a sense of direction, and self control in our lives, it's like everything fits right. There may be growth areas and challenges to accomplish, but feeling right about something gives us the needed energy to move forward. This is part of feeling a rightfulness of fit. This dimension is similar to having a sense of direction, but it also incorporates a spiritual or higher power assurance that lets us know the direction we are headed in is right for us. This assurance can come even when other things in our lives are not in order. It can come during times of high stress and even when we are functioning at below normal levels. Often it is described as a peaceful feeling that what we are doing or have done is the best thing for us. This feeling can sometimes go against what our rational, reasoning minds judge to be best.  

For example, Jodi had been looking for a job for several months and finally found one that looked like a perfect fit for her. Everything about the job seemed right. Jodi was offered the position, but as she contemplated committing herself to this job she just couldn't feel peaceful about it. After much prayer and meditation, she decided that she would turn down the job offer. Logically the decision to pass up this job opportunity didn't make any sense to her. She needed the job and she thought it was something she would love. However, she stepped forward in faith and trusted her gut feeling to decline the job. While the decision certainly wasn't easy, she felt peace about her direction. A few months later she was offered another job that she immediately felt "right" about and was hired for. Several years later she still loves her job and is passionately engaged in it. As an additional witness that she had made the right choice, she learned that the original company that offered her a job had some serious financial setbacks shortly after she turned down the job offer and they were forced to cut several programs, including the one she would have been hired for. As she looks back, she is extremely grateful that she had the courage to follow her intuition and the spiritual guidance she had received.  

Developing our ability to recognize and follow spiritual/Higher Power assurances to help us make decisions and take action in our lives is a very important way to increase our sense of well-being. We can then draw on this power to help us achieve fulfillment in all the other dimensions of being we have talked about. Our ability to reach our potential will be markedly increased as we learn to reflect on and incorporate the messages from our Higher Power or the universe. 

Taking time to get away from the hustle and bustle of ordinary life and reflect on the grandeur of the universe is one way to increase our ability to sense a rightfulness of fit. Connecting with nature, meditating, and expressing appreciation are other ways increase the level of fulfillment of this dimension. Pondering on the nature of your Higher Power and your connection to that Power has been helpful for some people. Another idea is to write a letter to your Higher Power and then imagine and write what your Higher Power might say to you in response. Whatever you decide to do, try to find some way today to develop this dimension of your identity.

Improving Self Control

From Unlocking the Communication Puzzle by Dr. John R. Strong

Having a Sense of Self Control

This element of our identity develops as we interact in responsible ways, make choices about how we will respond to situations over which we have little control, and take responsibility for our impact on others. Having a sense of self control is associated with feelings of self-respect, self-esteem and responsibility for personal choices. The more an individual focuses on what others are doing for or to his or her personal welfare the less he or she experiences self control. When we are in the drama triangle we will automatically feel low self control. No one can take away our self control; however, when we feel low fulfillment in this area, often we have given our power away. To increase fulfillment in this area we should focus on personal choices we can make. Choices that serve oneself, without harming someone else, will increase fulfillment. 

Let's go back to the example from yesterday about Nicole, the grocery store checker. Although Nicole was very competent and appreciated in her job, she decided that she had to do something different or be paralyzed by her growing sense of incompleteness. She took a battery of vocational aptitude tests and explored several different professions before choosing to learn carpentry. She now builds fine furniture and feels deeply satisfied with her job. She looks back on the experience with a sense of awe that she was brave enough to "get out of my rut." Her exhilaration is still apparent as she speaks of "taking charge of my life." Part of the battle, she admits, was "to stop worrying about what other people would think. I had to stop worrying about making my boss angry by quitting. I had to stop worrying about my mother being embarrassed at having a daughter who was a carpenter. I had to stop worrying about whether men would like me if I was competing with them in one of their professions." In these ways, Nicole was taking responsibility for her own thoughts and actions and letting her boss's, her mother's, and her dates' feelings be their own responsibility.

Of course other people do influence us. But we can only be responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Nicole could not control how her mother felt about her. She could only choose between doing what was best for herself or trying to please her mother. We cannot control someone else's thoughts or feelings although we may help them process those thoughts and feelings. 

For our own sense of self control, we may sometimes need to respect the "right" of others to suffer. That's all part of separating our responsibility from others'.

See how you can apply this principle to recovery work. Setting boundaries and sticking to them is one example of increasing your self-control. Practicing healthy self-care is another example. There are many other things in recovery that can improve your sense of self control. Try to think of a few things you can do today to increase your fulfillment in this area. Notice how you feel after implementing some of these. It is normal to feel uncomfortable at first, just like in learning any new skill, but the feelings of empowerment are worth it.

Having a Sense of Direction

From Unlocking the Communication Puzzle by Dr. John R. Strong

Having a Sense of Direction

Making Progress by Brian Kershisnik
http://hawkinsonphotography.blogspot.com/2008/10/brian-kershisnik.html

Feeling loved and competent is not the same thing as feeling a sense of direction. Nicole is hands down the fastest checker in the market and her boss is warm and direct in his appreciation, but Nicole often feels dissatisfied. "Is this all there is?" she thinks. Does she want a raise? Does she want to take an exotic vacation? Does she want to go to law school? Does she want to become a nun and join Mother Theresa in Calcutta? Maybe she wants to get married and have five children.

In order to find fulfillment in this dimension, we need to feel that we have a purpose or special niche in life and that we are working toward accomplishing that purpose. We can assess the fulfillment in this area by seeing how well-defined and understood our purpose and vision for our life is. Goal-oriented choices and actions can give some level of fulfillment, but if we are focused solely on accomplishing goals we will be in trouble when we hit a roadblock in achieving the goal. Focusing instead on a purpose and a vision give us the ability to adjust and be flexible when we run into problems with a specific goal. 

While goals are a valuable and necessary part of having a sense of direction, we need to see goals as a process, not as a product. Having goals as a product means that we are not satisfied until the goal is completed and completion becomes the reward. (I will be happy when I get a raise.) Having goals as a process means that we are satisfied and appreciative of steps taken toward reaching the goal. (I am happy now, and I am enjoying the opportunities and challenges I am having as I work toward becoming an expert at my job.)

Gaining meaning in life can also come in spiritual ways - as we explore of the nature, origin and purpose of our existence. Meaningful harmony with the universe can be found through activity in an organized religious group, meditation, prayer, self-discipline, connecting with nature, thoughtful service to others, etc. Any number of activities can help us connect with a Higher Power, perceive our shared humanity, and give meaning and purpose to the cycle of birth and death. 

Do you have a strong sense of direction in your life? If not consider creating a written personal mission statement. Here is a link to a Franklin Covey website that will help you create your own mission statement. http://www.franklincovey.com/msb/  

Feeling Competent and Worthwhile

Being Competent and Worthwhile to Self and Others  

Part of having a strong identity is having our own standards of competence and meeting them. It's being able to make choices between different standards and still feel good about the results. Sometimes we blindly accept standards that our culture, the media, and other outside sources impose on us without thinking through those standards to see if they are realistic and fit our mission in life. For example, women may have unrealistic expectations of being thin, beautiful, managing their lives to perfection, and being everything to everyone; men may have unrealistic expectations of earning lots of money, having an impressive career, having the perfect wife and family, and never letting anyone see their weaknesses. When we try to live up to unrealistic expectations, or expect others to do so, we are naturally going to suffer. It can be eye opening and helpful to become aware of exactly what we expect of ourselves or our partner. One way to do this is to write out all the expectations we have for ourselves and those close to us. Making a list like this can help us see where our expectations are unrealistic or unnecessary so that we can make adjustments. 

From Victor M. Harris at http://strongermarriage.org/htm/dating/needs: 

 One of the great ways we can avoid the devastating effects of having a counterfeit or destructive relationship with ourselves is by getting rid of all the conditions we place upon ourselves, such as: I won't feel like I belong unless I'm popular, or make the football team, or become a cheerleader, or have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe we will refuse to feel worthwhile unless we get an A on a test, or get a raise at work, or wear the nicest clothes, or have the prettiest hair (in my case it is having any hair at all that concerns me). Maybe we want the nicest car or the greatest job before we will allow ourselves to feel worthwhile. These are all mind traps and we must stop them by consciously not allowing ourselves to think in this way 

As Brene Brown says, we are worthy of love and belonging NOW. Not if. Not when. 

Unclear or unrealistic expectations will also lead to lower fulfillment. Have you ever had a job where you weren't really sure what was expected of you? Lack of communication in a relationship about expectations and desires will result in random fulfillment at best.  Communication can help both of you recognize and make clear what your expectations for yourselves and each other are. As you discuss this, being sensitive to your own and your partner's social, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual capacities is important.

However, even when our expectations are clear we inevitably fail to meet all standards. A real test of our identity is how we handle failure. Can we improve in order to meet someone else's standard? Can we revise the standard if it's unrealistic? Can we deal with the failure without being jeopardized by it? In order to do this we may need to practice feeling healthy guilt without letting it turn into unhealthy shame.

Each of us has memories of experiences where we haven't lived up to our standards. If we cannot accept those memories, we spend a lot of energy keeping them pushed down out of our minds, but they're always ready to bob up again to compound a feeling of failure. To keep our sense of self-worth high, we need to be able to change and deal with the past memory through appropriate action such as talking it over with a trusted friend, having compassion and understanding for ourselves, or surrendering the failure to a Higher Power. Then we must redirect our energy into a more effective channel.

Dimensions of Being Part 1 - Loving and Being Loved

Today's post is from Unlocking the Communication Puzzle by John R. Strong.

Dr. Strong has identified seven dimensions of being, although there are more that could be listed and there is some overlap among the seven listed. All dimensions of being require effort and nurturing for us to feel healthy and whole. 

1. Loving and being loved
2. Being competent and worthwhile to self and others
3. Sense of direction and purpose
4. Self control
5. Open communication
6. Rightfulness of fit
7. Joy through service

If these needs are not met very successfully, they challenge our very identity and every interaction can feel threatening rather than affirming. In such a situation, our energy goes to defending ourselves. When our needs are unmet we will often resort to unhealthy behavior such as withdrawing or isolating, numbing our feelings, overcompensating, becoming critical or irritable, attacking others, or any number of other unhealthy behaviors. On the other hand, when we feel high fulfillment in all of these areas, our identities are strong and resilient and we can experience a great deal of frustration and pressure without being defensive.

Today we will look more in-depth at the first dimension listed and over the next several posts we will explore each of these dimensions individually. As we learn about each dimension, consider where you would rate your fulfillment in this area. Then come up with several ideas of what you could do (not what your partner could do) to improve your own level of fulfillment. 

Loving and Being Loved

We feel loved when we feel cherished and prized for who we are and we feel a sense of belonging in a relationship. Sidney Jourard defined love "not so much as an emotion as freely expressed behavior, undertaken with the aim of fostering happiness and growth in the person loved." This requires understanding our own and our partner's vision of growth and happiness. Our actions, including our communication, send messages about the degree and direction of our caring. 

When we show loving actions toward others in a healthy way, it also nurtures our own identity and level of fulfillment. Remember that romantic gestures are only part of loving and being loved. Firm boundaries can sometimes be the most loving action. 

Feeling loved stabilizes our identity. We feel a sense of security, that we belong, that it's okay to be us. It's alright to have many casual friendships, but it takes time and intensity to build a high level of fulfillment. Loving and being loved are active processes, not just emotions. At each level of the relationship, we must understand, accept, and nurture each other. Despite ups and downs, we can establish a pattern of long-term commitment that is fulfilling to both people in the relationship.

Some action ideas to improve your level of fulfillment in this area are commit to and hold a weekly date night, plan monthly surprises for your partner, schedule a time each day when you and your partner can check in with each other, spend time listening passionately to your partner with the goal of understanding his or her vision of growth and happiness, etc.           

Learning to Listen to Ourselves

Today's post is adapted from Unlocking the Communication Puzzle by John R. Strong.

As human beings, we a variety of needs that we seek to meet throughout our lives. We have a need to both nurture and be nurtured. We have intense emotional needs that show up in our closest relationships. We have social needs that can be satisfied with group activities. We have spiritual needs that often find fulfillment as we discover an ultimate meaning and purpose in the universe and a connection to things greater than ourselves. 

Understanding ourselves is extremely important in identifying our unmet needs and recognizing our (often misguided) attempts to meet those needs. If you are like me, we all need a better way to learn to understand ourselves - especially to tune into our feelings. We are so busy doing things that we don't take time to listen to ourselves and to learn to appreciate our inner world. 

Sometimes it is helpful to refer to a list of adjectives such as loving, angry, joyful, kind, submissive, defiant, warm, melancholy, etc., to describe what we are feeling. The more we do this type of exercise the quicker we can get in touch with our feelings. Listening to ourselves is a skill we can develop. 

Other ways to learn to listen to ourselves are: 

• writing in a journal 
• reading from autobiographies or short stories that help us recognize our own feelings and experiences more clearly 
• list one or two emotional experiences and then recognize how they came about (each of us has several experiences each day that we could use to practice this)
• describe how we would like to feel in various situations we anticipate being in each day
• describe how we wished we would have felt in situations that we experienced
• imagine ourselves in various situations. Ask yourself "How would I feel if. . ." 
• one of the most important ways of listening to ourselves is finding someone to share our stories with who is worthy of hearing them and who will listen with empathy, wholeheartedly, and without judgment

One other way of learning to listen to ourselves is to rate our levels of satisfaction or fulfillment in areas called dimensions of being, which we will discuss tomorrow. It is far better to recognize a lack of fulfillment than it is to try to ignore it or to pretend we feel something we don't. If we aren't aware what is happening in our inner world, we can't work with it. For today, try out one of the above methods. In addition to that, practice checking in with your feelings throughout the day.

Here are a few links to websites that have lists of adjectives you can choose from to describe your feelings:

http://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory

http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html

http://www.sba.pdx.edu/faculty/mblake/448/FeelingsList.pdf

What Self-Care is and Isn't

As a follow up to yesterday's post about self-care, here is some more specific info about the difference between self-care and self-indulgence. The writing below comes directly from this article at psychologytoday.com and is written by Christine Mienecke author of Everybody Marries the Wrong Person. 

What self-care is

While an enhanced regimen of self-care may sound like a good idea, most people are fuzzy on what self-care is and how to practice it.  Medical and mental health professionals pioneered the concept of self-care by prescribing healthy lifestyle changes and stress management behaviors.  Unfortunately, these prescriptions are often ignored because they require hard work and perseverance.  

During the 1980s, the term self-care became popularized.  It is now common to hear talk (especially among women) about needing to take better care of oneself.  Consequently, it became irresistibly profitable for advertisers to perpetuate the fantasy that self-care can be easy.  As a result of the self-care marketing blitz, many of us think that getting pedicures, choosing hand-dipped dark chocolates, and buying 10,000-thread count bed linens equal self-care.  

What self-care is not

Self-care is not self-pampering - not that there's anything wrong with self-pampering - pedicures, dark chocolates, and other luxuries.  That is, as long as you can afford luxuries.  Spending money that you don't have is self-indulgence.  

   

Self-care is not self-indulgence.  Popularly, the terms self-care and self-indulgence are used interchangeably, as in "Oh, go ahead, indulge.  You deserve it."  We tell ourselves that we are practicingself-care when, in fact, we are engaging in self-indulgence.  Self-indulgence is characterized by avoidance of the effortful and substitution of quick and easy antidotes.  We tell ourselves that the stresses of the day have drained our energy and that vegging on the sofa with a quart of ice cream or a six-pack of beer is all we can expect of ourselves.  Rather than shouldering the hard work of self-care, we settle for temporary and largely symbolic fixes - some of which actually stress our systems further.

How to practice self-care

Self-care means choosing behaviors that balance the effects of emotional and physical stressors: exercising, eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, practicing yoga or meditation or relaxation techniques, abstaining from substance abuse, pursuing creative outlets, engaging in psychotherapy.  Also essential toself-care is learning to self-soothe or calm our physical and emotional distress. Remember your mother teaching you to blow on the scrape on your knee?  This was an early lesson in self-soothing but the majority of adults haven't the foggiest notion how to constructively soothe themselves.

A common mistake in romantic relationships is depending on a partner to soothe our pain.  Most of us get married, in part, because we want someone other than mother to calm our fears and offer us band-aids.  Of course, it is never a mistake to seek comfort in the sweet embrace or wise words of a spouse.  The mistake is believing that a spouse is obligated to be an open tap of emotional support.  It is also not a spouse's role to teach us how to self-soothe.  We must learn this skill on our own. 

Self Care Ideas

Good self care is so important in any person's life, but especially someone going through a crisis or trying to recover from trauma or addiction. I've compiled a list of self care ideas and separated them (loosely) into Mental/Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual categories. There is lots of overlap between these, but it's a starting point. 

Self Care Ideas

Ideas taken from Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, How Partners can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means and from http://www.lifecoachbynature.com/wellness-resources/resources-for-living/healthy-spirit/262-feed-your-spirit-self-care-ideas.html and http://www.lawc.on.ca/ResourceSelfCare.htm and http://www.balancedweightmanagement.com/Bob's%20Ideas%20for%20Self-Nurturing.pdf

Mental/Emotional	Physical	Spiritual
Give yourself time-outs for the stress	Pamper yourself	Develop meditation and other spiritual exercises
Say “no” when you need or want to	Do soothing, relaxing activities regularly	Read books or writings that provide wisdom and comfort
Continue a routine as much as you are able	Move your body in ways that feel good to you	Listen to music that comforts your mind and soul
Spend some time with people who love you	Get enough sleep; nothing can deteriorate you faster than lack of sleep.	Watch movies that show how others have faced difficult circumstances
Talk about your feelings with safe people	Undertake some exercise daily, both to care for yourself and as a release valve for the stress created by the trauma	Consider adding spiritual practices with other people for the benefit that “fellowship” can build into your life
Don’t take responsibility for the other partner’s behavior, no matter what that partner says	Get a massage to calm and soothe yourself	Attend a church service
Don’t make major life decisions in the midst of the emotional upheaval	Eat a healthy diet by avoiding junk food, alcohol and caffeine	Visit a nursing home or shut-in
Care for yourself the way you would care for a friend who had been deeply hurt.	(check out http://mayoclinic.com/health/meditation/MM00623 for a guided relaxation video)	Play calming music while visualizing a peaceful nature scene
Read about sexual addiction so that you understand it enough to make wise decisions	Dance	Spend time with people/children/animals
Do things that season your life with “fun”, even if they don’t feel as good as they normally do.	Participate in group sports	Spend time in nature
Organize your closets, kitchen, photos, etc	Go biking	Spend time with people who are affirming, optimistic and nurturing.
Journal	Take a bubble bath	Take at least thirty minutes alone time per day.
Do deep breathing exercises.	Go swimming	Image and visualize - concentrate on a comforting scene.
Get a therapeutic massage.	Go hiking	Keep a gratitude journal
Treat yourself to a new body cream/lotion.	Clean	Find a special, quiet place and make it your own.
Wear your favorite, comfortable clothing.	Cook or bake	Notice your strengths.
Do an activity with friends	Exercise.	Realize that wherever you are today is the place to start.
Watch an uplifting movie	Soak feet in special foot soap (Johnson's, Scholl's).	Share happiness with someone else.
Attend a play	Join a yoga or stretching class weekly.	Nurture a loving atmosphere in your home.
Play or learn to play a musical instrument	Take a nap.	Just sit and listen to music that makes you feel good.
Read especially uplifting books or magazines	Take a long walk.	Plant a garden, pick fresh flowers or buy a small bouquet.
Save notes and letters that are complementary. Read them often.	Play/work outdoors (skiing, rollerblading, walking, barbecueing).	Take the time to write in a journal.
Rent a comedy video.	Learn new skills.	Enjoy time with children.
Light candles; buy fragrant candles.	Engage in a new hobby.	Tell someone you care about them
Puzzles, clay or silly putty.	Write down self-positive adjectives.	Look at the stars
Plan a vacation - call a travel agent.	Notice and appreciate humor.	Help out a stranger
Bring comforting photos to work (loved ones, vacations).	Order a pizza.	Forgive yourself
Plan ahead - schedule medical and dental appointments.	Take a break.	Encourage someone
Sit under the glow of a warm fireplace.	Eat healthy snacks, watch nutrition; take vitamins.	Reflect on your successes, finish the sentence “I can. . .”
Allow yourself to discover new things about "you.	Nourish your body with healthful warming soups.	Forgive a wrong
Add new elements that you want to include in your life	Dance all by yourself to really loud, fun music.	Tell yourself the loving words you want to hear from others
Be creative....sing, dance, paint or write.	Prepare yourself a good home-cooked meal.	Close your eyes and listen
Do something you've never done before.	Do a crossword.	Be in the present moment
Draw, paint or just color in a child's coloring book.	Spend an afternoon at the library or bookstore and read for free.	Create a collage representing your authentic self
Talk on the phone to friends or not answering the phone at all.	Enjoy a manicure or pedicure - share the experience with a friend.	Relax, watch the clouds
Laugh from the belly.	Do something adventurous	Watch the sunrise or sunset
Put a positive word on your water bottle	Sing in the shower	Reflect on what you value most
Contact an old friend	Go feed ducks or birds	Visualize yourself achieving your goals
Discard something you don’t like	Collect wildflowers and make a bouquet	Share a compliment
Return something borrowed	Drink plenty of water	Practice feeling awe for life
Visit a museum or art gallery	Sip a cup of herbal tea	Write a thank you note to someone
	Work out with weights
	Go horseback riding
Add your own ideas :

Recovery Plan

I found a good website today that talks a lot about recovery from addiction, specifically sex addiction. Here is a link to the home page: healthymind.com.

There is an interview with the author/psychologist on that page. There are also some other good pages to check out from that website. One that I specifically liked is the recovery/relapse prevention plan. I have looked all over for a good, concise guideline like this that addresses how to do a recovery/treatment plan and I like this one pretty well, although I think it has a few things missing. Some day I'm going to write up my own guideline.

I also liked the links on mindfulness. Good stuff. The link for that is right at the top of the website on any page. It's called Mindful Living. I'm still exploring links from that one. I love recovery reading! Enjoy!